So, I got me a personal trainer today. I mean I usually don't train because of the amount of effort that goes into it, but today... today was... actually no different.

I did my usual ritual where I walk into a gym, but then saw people sweating and stuff and thought it wasn't for me and decided to leave. Then I went to do the same thing at the elder's gym, only this time I got caught.

Next thing I know, they're telling me about some deal that is only going on for the next 17 minutes and I'll get a gym bag and stuff. Which I could use the gym bag to sleep on occasionally when I am living in an alleyway. Then they said that deal came with a personal trainer to motivate me.

A smart person would have known this was a trick. I mean a deal for 17 minutes? WTF is that? But I am not a smart man. I am wolf that goes through your garbage while you're sleeping. So I signed up. I felt good at first. I was finally going to get in shape and not have level 24 autobots beating me up and taking my allowance from me. I haven't been able to rent a skin flick in weeks. I am expecting the trainer to you know... exercise for me, but no. He wanted me to do it.

We argued for a half hour, then I had to use the bathroom, then I came back out and we argued more. I never got on the treadmill, but I broke a sweat just arguing about the idea of getting on one. In the end, I sold my gym membership and Biff, the personal trainer via the newspaper. I think I am going to stick to being lazy and getting fat off Krispy Kreme Donuts and the occasional truck hit deer.